Adult ADHD in times of Corona
Goooood morning everybody!
Did I use a similar title for an older post on the blog already? Yes. (Actually, turns out I was just thinking about that, but renamed the post… oh well.) Do I care at this point? Hell no.
So, how are things going? How is quaratine/shutdown life treating you?
For me, I’m still trying to figure out this new normal. This week, here in Germany, some of the restrictions were loosened up a bit, to allow some small businesses to open again, which is great. But also, I still don’t see a reason to go out there for shopping for the pure sake of it. I mean, I’m bored as hell, true. But I still can’t justify to myself that I would go to the book store to buy a new book, or to the gardening store to get some more plants. (Also, I’m spending waaayyy too much money atm. Does anybody else have this problem? Like, on the one hand, I finally have the time to really reasearch and acquire things I’ve been procrastinating forever. On the other hand, I just don’t feel like our home is making me happy right now, so I kind of want to buy all the nice/cozy/colorfull things out there.) Now, where was I? … Right, shopping.
Books and plants are especially tough for me at the moment. I love buying books (and mostly also reading them in a timely fashion). And right now, I have tons of time that I will either spend on reading, or pointles social media time. So getting books I’m really interested in is kind of a good idea. Buying them all on Amazon is decidedly not. So I’m currently making a list of all the books I want, so I can order them off our local, independent book store at some point. Right now, though, I have to decide whether I want these books (even though I have tons of books on my kindle, and even irl, that I haven’t read yet and don’t need to spend money on right this moment), or whether I want to buy some scented candles instead, that I feel an irrational need for right now (which makes zero sense, because nobody needs scented candles, but they are currently all over the internet when it comes to self-care… and also, I just really like scented candles)? (P.S. Good luck trying to find the actual sentence in that paragraph…. I should probably edit that later, for better readability … or maybe I’ll just put all of this as footnotes … also, my brain just seriously spelled “the” as “de”…. I need a nap.)
Anyways… The second one, plants, is mostly due to the fact that I bought some indoor plants earlier this year, and they’re doing really well (I think), so now I want more. I just want this place to feel more home-y, and also have better air in here, and have it feel a little more outdoors-y, too. But going out to the garden store just for some plants I don’t strictly need right now? That doesn’t fit into my perception of what a good decision looks like right now.
Okay. So that was 500+ words on my problems with “to shop or not to shop”. Sorry for that.
What I actually want to focus on today, is how my strategies for structuring my life are working out for me. I’ve posted about this a few time over the past weeks, so I don’t even remember everything I probably recommended. But for the things I’m trying to pull off, I thought I’d share how these are working out for me.
So, first things first, even though I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before: Staying hydrated is a real struggle right now. Usually, I would leave the house regularly for work. And take my “big” 800ml (27oz, for the people with the bogus system) water bottle, drink it at least one, refill it, and usually drink it again. Now that I work almost exclusively from home, I have my water glass. And since I’m usually sitting around somewhere, I don’t necessarily get up to refill it right away all the time. More like, I realize it’s empty, my head goes “unimportant”, and the next time I take in some fluids is maybe two hours later. I’ve now taken to using my “small” 500ml (17oz) bottle around the house, but not screwing on the lid, because that keeps me from actually drinking from it. Apparently, for my brain, screwing off a bottle cap is just too much effort. No idea why, but I honestly don’t have the energy to work on that right now, so open bottle it is. I just hope I won’t tip it over when it’s full and on my desk (fingers crossed).
The other thing I’ve been trying is building habits, like getting out for a walk and meditating every day. So far, it is not working. It felt like it was, for a while, but then the loooong (four day) Easter weekend came along here in Germany, and that was it for my habit building. So now I have to start over, except right now it feels a lot harder. Mostly this is due to time management issues. (I wanted to add something else to this paragraph, but I thought of it while writing the next sentence, and when I was done with that, I couldn’t remember what it was.)
And speaking of time management, that is going… well, solala (so la la? so lala? no idea). Maybe you remember that I talked about scheduling my days the evening before. That worked suuuper well last week Tuesday. Then Wednesday hit me with work in the early morning, which never bodes well for my productivity over all, but I still managed to get some stuff done, outside of work. But Thursday… well, my sleep was kind of messed up Wednesday night, so my AHDH brain (I had very little to do with that), decided to go back to sleep after the alarm went off. And I mean, I needed that sleep. But also, I didn’t get out of bed until it was almost nine in the morning, so my plans for the day were effectively screwed. And for Friday and the weekend, I didn’t even bother making one. Same goes for Monday, as I’ve been struggling to even write in my journal or set up the spreads for the coming week from Thursday/Friday to Sunday/Monday.
I did manage to plan out today’s schedule yesterday in the evening, though. And I’m following my schedule, more or less (I switched up some stuff in the morning). But honestly, it doesn’t feel as good as it did last Tuesday. It feels more like stress than I would like it to feel. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad and grateful that my brain didn’t decide to boycott me today. But it’s also not necessarily cooperating, if you know what I mean. It’s hard. Which probably means that it’s a good idea to keep it up. But constantly feeling like I’m working against my adult ADHD brain is still incredibly tough. I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about. But really, I want to be more intentional about what I do with my time. What I don’t want is to spend all my time pointlessly staring at my phone, not moving even remotely enough, and feeling drained of energy. The problem is, that the solution to the problem, aka being more active, is also counterintuitive af. And it’s not what my ADHD brain wants. At all. So I’ll just keep doing my best.
I feel like I need to mention this, though: Don’t beat yourself up if things aren’t working out, if you drop habits and stuff again and again. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. These things are hard for everyone, but especially for us adult ADHD people. So basically, you’re working against more of a barrier than neurotypicals, and maybe even more than other ADHDers. And if something doesn’t work out, it’s perfectly alright to give yourself a break. It’s just not worth it, constantly working against your ADHD brain. Just make sure that you try again. And again. Because, in my experience, at some point things are going to click, and suddenly this thing that you have been trying forever, is working out. Just like that.
So. Anything else I want to talk about today? Honestly, I’m not sure. And my ADHD brain is getting somewhat bored with writing. Which is why, I’m going to wrap this up now.
Have a great week everybody! Remember, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to perfect. Ever.
Stay home, stay safe, stay sane, and don’t forget to wash your hands!